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The Dangerous Risk We Take When We Talk to Our Children About Sex

The Dangerous Risk of Talking to Our Children About Sex

Christian parents are faced with the paramount decision of what and when to teach their children about sex.

Like ostriches in danger, some Christian parents stick their heads in the sand and hope public, private or Christian school will do the job for them.  Perhaps they think it’s best not to broach the subject until the late teen years when their dear little cherubs begin to think about dating or courting.

Others are deceived into guilt and shame about their past mistakes and so they hide for fear that they will be called out.  “I can’t tell him not to do something I did when I was a kid,” they reason, as though two wrongs somehow make a right.

Other well-meaning parents treat sex like a sexually transmitted disease: a dirty, filthy sin not be talked about, thought about or read about.  “It’s for the marriage bed,” they say, noses in the air. “You’ll figure it out then, but don’t you dare ask us anything.”

Some parents know they must talk to their children, but don’t know how.  What will they say, how will they say it?  What words do they use? Should they show boys the female anatomy?  Some parents are lost and stumble through; others don’t even approach it because they’re at a loss.

All parents face the same dangerous risk when we approach the subject of sex and sexuality with our children.  It doesn’t change if you’re highly educated or a high school drop out.  An eloquent speaker or a shy introvert.

The danger in talking to our children about sex is not that they will want to sleep with every breathing thing like nymphomaniacs on ecstasy.  The danger parents face is the danger of failure.  It’s admitting we don’t have all the answers, or worse, that we don’t have it all together. 

The danger is that we are going to be uncomfortable and that we might need to face our fears and failures. 

talking to your kids about sex

We run the risk of being asked tough, sometimes personal questions, and facing our past in an effort to help our children achieve a better future.

Sadly, these are dangers many Christian parents don’t want to face.

To look Johnny and Susie in the eye and say, “Daddy and I failed when we didn’t wait until we were married.  We didn’t follow God’s word and we had to ask God for forgiveness,” is a hard pill to swallow.

Tools in the Tool Box for The Talk

Like anything else in life, we are much more equipped to handle the dangerous situations when we have the right tools.

First, we are forgiven for our sins, even our sexual sins.  This is the best tool of all.  God’s grace and Jesus’ shed blood cover us.  We can’t hide the fact that we made mistakes.  No one is perfect.  Your children live with you, they already know you aren’t perfect so don’t pretend now that you are.  If you are struggling with your own past sexual sins you need to address them.  Restoration is possible no mater how imperfect your life has been.  When the Lord was leading me through the restoration process from my sexual sins it wasn’t easy but it was well worth it.  Biblical Christian counseling is also a tool you might consider.

Don’t wait until you’re “all fixed up” to talk to your children.  You are a work in progress but that doesn’t mean you can’t start the conversation about sex with them.

The Talk: 7 Lessons To Introduce Your Child to Biblical Sexuality is excellent tool that will help you teach your children about sex from a godly perspective even, if you aren’t complete sure what the godly perspective is.

The Talk gives you seven lessons with questions and times for reflection for your six to ten year old as you introduce biblical sexuality to your children.

What!? Age 6 to 10!

Yep, ages six to ten.

As Luke Glikerson explains in The Talk, this is the prime age to begin these conversations.  Notice I said conversations.  The Talk (both the book and the dialogue with your children) is not a one and done deal.  It isn’t a shoot-some-hoops-and-hash-it-all-out kinda subject.

This age range is when children really begin to form friendships, same and opposite sex, start to notice other children, and are, generally speaking, able to understand and reason through more in-depth subjects.

Beginning this conversation now will help form the open line of communication so when the questions get a bit harder, a bit more personal, you and your child are ready.

With scripture readings in every lesson, The Talk is Biblically based and it helps you teach your child about the male and female body, how babies develop, the goodness of marital sex as well as adultery and sexual abuse.

 Update: The Talk is now available from Amazon in paperback form too!

 

Have you thought about The Talk for your family?  How have you approached it, or are you stuck?

The Talk: 7 Lessons to Introduce Your Child to Biblical Sexuality

 

Lined up at: Equipping Godly Women

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Comments

  1. Thanks for the great review.

    It’s amazing to me how many people aren’t in favor of early conversations about sex and sexuality. If my kids were in the public schools I would be talking to them even earlier than I did. There’s something critical about being first when it comes to these topics.

    • Danielle says:

      You’re welcome Luke. I love your book and have it saved for when Wyatt get a wee bit older, he’s only 3 so right now he’s just thrilled to be able to pee on stuff and that mommy can’t!. 🙂

  2. I love how you said “Your children live with you. They already know you aren’t perfect….” I must admit my philosophy has been, as long as my 8 year old is not asking questions, there is not much I need to say right now. It is more procrastination than anything.

  3. I’ve never really been open with the subject of sex, but it is way easier to start the conversations early rather than later. When you tell a three year old how babies where babies come out, they don’t yet think it’s gross lol.

    • I think so too. I think when you start young the child doesn’t sense your discomfort and it gives you a chance to get comfortable and for them the conversations become just a part of life and not some intense “this is heavy and scary” kinda thing.

  4. Ages 6-10. I have heard this from several people now. Thanks for sharing your thoughts on an important topic. We need to have this first talk with our kiddos.

  5. Gulp…six to ten?? My oldest is nine and I thought eleven would be too early. Well, I better start reading so I can start the conversation with my two oldest ones sooner rather than later.

    Thank you for your resource!

    I have shared with my readers on Facebook as well as Pinterest. Thank you again!

    • I know Brandi, it seems early and of course we must talk in age-appropriate ways but by that age they are starting to notice and be curious. We need to be prepared. Thanks for sharing!

Trackbacks

  1. […] I also encourage you to pick up a copy of The Talk from Trisha and Luke Gilkerson.  Every parent needs to read this.  You can read more about The Talk in this post.   […]

  2. […] What’s wrong is that many think it’s dangerous to talk to kids about sex. […]

  3. […] of encouragement and idea for busy homeschooling moms.  Oh, and I cannot say enough about The Talk.  It’s a resource you need […]

  4. […] The Talk by Luke and Trisha Glikerson. (Read my review here) […]

  5. […] is the same mentality that says “we can’t talk to our children about sex because then they’ll want to shack up with someone.” Who thinks that way you ask? […]

  6. […] and wrong with our youth is just as important as teaching them to drive and it needs to start at an earlier age than you think. We can’t just tell our kids to wait, give them cute promise rings and certificates to hang […]

  7. […] are lots of things we risk as Christians, our pride should be one of them. Don’t concern yourself with what you’ll say, let the […]

  8. […] to discuss biblical sexuality in age appropriate language. You can read more about The Talk here. I have the digital version of this but the hard copy is on my wish […]

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